sinsyne: (Jaejoong - like you don't attract a crow)
I was going to do an "oops, sorry for dropping off the face of the planet, it's just how I roll during summer" post, but, well, screw that.

I hate how I'm so vulnerable to my family's words. Really, I do. I was helping my mom prepare supper. We wound up discussing me searching for a job, and college. That inevitably led to talk of university.

At which point I was criticised for wanting to major in East Asian studies. That hurt -like I was a dropped-kicked squirrel. (Sorry for the misplaced and/or pathetic attempt at humor. It's a trigger mechanism.) If I take said course as my major, I'm required to learn two languages, and my drugs of choice are Korean and Japanese. I believe I mentioned this is another post.

My mom kind of lectured me, saying that I should probably only just learn one, or, if I'm determined to study two, then one should be Chinese. I will formally study Chinese later on, but, not offense to anyone, Japanese and Korean interest me more. Anyway, Mom continued until she reached her main point: what are you going to do with it? It's useless. You're making a mistake. You probably don't know what you're doing.

I'm not feeling very good about myself (and just when I was happy talking with my aunt earlier). The thing is, I do have an idea of what I want to do. Mom probably won't like hearing it however because it involves me living on the other side of the world. She has no problem with me going on an exchange program to Asia, but I suspect that's because there's a guarantee that I'll return.

Furthermore, this is not a lost cause. I plan to do a double major in, yes, East Asian studies, but also in Communications. With perhaps a minor in English, Philosophy, or something of the like. I am not doomed to fail.

I admit, this is a pipe dream, but I'm trying my hardest to make it reality. I find it rather frustrating that my parents say it's fine to be unsure of my future, or to do as I please, yet if my aspirations don't meet their standards, they shoot it down. I know they want the best for me, and that my life isn't needlessly unfair or difficult. In a way, they're trying to protect me; I'm still their little girl. I understand that. But at the same time, I really want to take this chance. If my dream, it changes, and I will accomodate that change. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I would really appreciate support rather than protective criticism.
sinsyne: (Huni - suge na!)
But it's not shiny enough to get a name. ;P

So I decided to stop being a kid, and make one concession for my birthday: allowing my mom to finally buy me a Nintendo DS. Um, yes, because I don't think she appreciated my remark a couple weeks ago that "If you give me the money, it's just going to end up in my bank account for school." With this, I put an end to the unpleasant gift business from Christmas.

After making the purchase, my mom complained that she could have simply bought the thing during December. True, but when we went to the store today, I didn't see any copies of Time Hollow and WEWY, so I guess it's for the better. Hmm, well I could have bought the games during these intervening months, but, uh, my funds were being spent elsewhere. *cough*YesAsia*cough*

Just the same, the DS came at an appropriate time, since I know have a fail-proof cure for summer boredom! Rejoice! However, this is also a bad thing because I go through games much like I go through books... so now I really need a job. Goodness, my poor wallet, how it weeps.

On the subject of writing, omg, I'm so happy to be working on Timeless again. *hugs her novel* I've rewritten the beginning so it now flows more nicely. Although, I am stuck with ironing out the finer details of my heroine's Moirae and how to not turn this isn't a Stockholm Syndrome sort of thing. Oh yes, my heroine has yet to fully decide on her personality, but thankfully it's only at odd moments. Gods, I've missed the creative process! :3
sinsyne: (NNO - wake me up)
... how does your garden grow?

Not well, as matter of fact. Last night was fabulous, I fell asleep writing poetry and drabbles, and woke up this morning just before noon feeling comfy and refreshed. For me, this is the sign that school is over and summer is here.

However, perhaps I can while away the hours in writer's bliss, but I am just as prone to being so painfully bored out of my mind that I can't bring myself to do anything constructive, writing or otherwise.

Like now, for instance. Oh, definitely, I have things that I could do -both chores, and leisure- but good luck summoning up the motivation to do them. Summer vacation is a double-edged sword for me. Yes, it's freedom to do as I please, which I define as writing, friends, sprucing up my room, along with living my life and feeling all around good about myself. Sadly, by August's end, I've barely done any of that.

I give myself two and half weeks before I give in to cabin fever.

Really, really want a job and friends on DW. *too intimidated to bother people with locked journals*
sinsyne: (Huni - suge na!)
Volunteering. Experience. CV. Job.

There you have it folks. When I told her that I wanted to volunteer for Otakuthon, thereby entailing that I'd stay at Winn's for three days for travel purposes, my mom seemed hardly keen to allow it. However, I explained to her my plight, how frustratingly hard it is to find a job currently. Thus, in the mean time, I would rack up as much volunteer experience as possible. And suddenly, she let me go to the event. I'd say it feels great to be responsible, but there was totally self-interest at play. ^-^;;

Otakuthon's only at the end of July-beginning of August, but today I participated at my town's annual Garage Sale. In charge of the book section, wheeeee~ I actually found a collection of Oscar Wilde's short stories, but other than that, I resisted temptation. I feel rather proud of myself. :D

Unfortunately, Swatch Group had a change in management, and they decided to drop the FIVB Beach Volleyball tournament in Quebec. It was a five day event that required volunteers, but, well, guess that won't be happening anymore, eh? Aww, bummer. *sadface* I attended in 2007 as a spectator (VIP, woot!), had a blast, and was eager to volunteer the next time around. But, I guess with the recession, Swatch dropping the tournament isn't all that surprising.

All this rambling to say I had fun at the garage sale. The weather was fantastic, I've got shiny Wildean literature, and I meet my old and dear friend Jes.

Well, dad's being a monopolising pain. So I'm off to clean that room and write. Ta darlings~

Oh, before I forget. Winn: if I don't get a chance to tell you tomorrow, I wish you the sincerest best for piano! You probably won't like the reminder, but I'm rooting for you from the bottom of my heart! :3

sinsyne: (Kobato - English morning)
To-dos:
[x] CV and letter of introduction for Otakuthon (Man, it's so weird writing this stuff in English!)
[x] check out Swarovski jewellery, or Winn kicks your butt
[x] deposit cheques
[  ] print English papers for teacher as a favour
[  ] give said copies to teacher
[  ] begin the Herculean effort of cleaning room
[x] e-mail Eva
[  ] next week: monthly pass and sell back Health Science textbooks (omg, get the Calculus away!)
[  ] organise hard drive
[  ] put more music on mp3 player

DW:
[  ] get around to joining [community profile] overlooked and [community profile] sacred25 
[x] formal intro and/or policy post
[  ] "Rec to Tala" post
[  ] fiction and fanfiction master lists
[  ] thematic
sinsyne: (Jaejoong - like you don't attract a crow)
Title rather irrelevant to the post, but hey, I do indeed have a mild headache. D:

My last final -Geo- was today, and the teacher so lied. So much for studying populations and surface areas of realms/regions/countries, a lot of the questions, instead, made reference to climates. Thank gods for visual memory, since I didn't review that topic intensively. In short, knowing that the population of Sub-Sahara Africa is 800 million helped me squat.

Later, Winn, Ness, and I went for dim sum, which was amusing. The one dish they thought I'd love was the one I was least keen about. I still enjoyed it, but chicken feet >>>>> tofu and sugar (lots of it, in my case). Winn gave me too much! So I pwned it off to Ness. :) And I was, like, the only non-Asian at the restaurant. Again. How many times has this happened now? The price of being an egg?

We stayed at Ness' for a bit, discussing the questionable ethics of failing to kill a spider in one blow, prolonging its suffering, because I'm overly sentimental that way. That can be another post, however.

Once Ness left for work, Winn and I went to our little hangout downtown, and, egad, I fail at number seven in Canto. Well, specifically in a song that's chiefly numbers. I can easily speak '77' but the moment you add a tune, I was screwed over. With the second seven, my pronounciation kept going down instead of up. I eventually got it, but honestly brain, hell-o?

And... um, is this where I confess that it took a frickin' hour for me to gather the courage to sing in Canto to Winn? >.>;; (GOMEN!!) It was worse than presenting an oral! Alright, admittedly, that's a poor point of comparison since Social Science has awakened in me a love for speaking and people. Moving along, I plan to take East Asian studies in university, and if I get where I want to be, speaking these languages -Korean, Japanese, Chinese- and speaking them well is going to be in the job description. Thus, it's two very separate things to sing into your hairbrush as a microphone (okay, I don't do that) in your room and to your very fluent Canto-speaking friend.

Give me a moment, this all made sense in my head six hours ago. Despite being a greater optimist these days, I still have this fear of failure thing going for me, and the belief that I must be perfect thanks to parenting. So, in classic Tala fashion, I blew singing in Cantonese way out of proportion. And jeebus, I feel stupid for it.
sinsyne: (Jaejoong - maybe we're going nowhere)
Written for [community profile] fiction_drabbles.
Title: On Eagle's Wings
Challenge/Prompt: Yesterday
Original Fiction or Fanfiction: Original Fiction
Characters: Nameless couple.
Rating: PG
Warnings: Mentions of suicide.
Disclaimer: All mine.
Summary: In the end, he couldn't save her from herself.
Author's Notes: The title is drawn from the church hymn of the same name. It's a heavy piece, and seeing as there was much more I wanted to put in it, I'm not sure how well I handled the 100 words.

She was gone, yet the despair she left in her wake easily made up for the absence. In death, as in love, she lingered, but there was no solace in that.

Silently, he ghosted through the house, memories of their life together resurfacing with every step, every breath, that he took. That was all she was now: memory.

In sickness and in health, they had once vowed, many years ago. He had thought it such an easy promise, unaware of the inner-demons that tormented her, until she vanished with her painkillers.

Yesterday, she had been alive, now...

Silence welcomed him.
sinsyne: (Kobato - English morning)
It amused immensely me that the first thing to wish me happy birthday was my mp3 player. There were fireworks flashing on the screen and everything! Totally did not know it could do that.

Went on my eagerly anticipated book shopping excursion Friday, gosh I am so happy. Books, how I hath misseth thee! *starry eyes* I enjoyed school immensely, but it's great to breathe again, really, it is. Winn and Mon came with as a birthday treat since we all celebrate within days of each other. I felt kind of bad, though, because Winn doesn't share quite the same passion for books, and Mon and I were essentially dragging her about.

She says watching the two of us do our odd shopping rituals was entertaining... I feel guilty, yet at the same time I don't because I enjoyed my time in Chapters. Is that being too selfish?

The outting was cut short because, while Mon and I can ignore our stomachs in the name of literature, the friends she brought along couldn't. Do you have any idea how mentally exhausting it is to go through a huge floor of books in a hour? It was a bit disappointing that we couldn't stay longer, but I finally got my hands on Maggie Stiefvater's Lament. I was beginning to suspect that Chapters was conspiring against me, it was never in stock the previous times I checked. Yes, I could order online, but given the YesAsia favours my sister is already granting me... I think I'll leave it be.

I spent yesterday with Ness and Winn. I don't think my parents were too pleased with me skipping my birthday, but we no longer do anything on special ocassions. Admittedly, it didn't seem like such a step up, at first, to be with friends since at first we didn't have any particular plans. After a while, though, we just decided to hang out at one of the public centres downtown -it has a lounge area- and we spent our time there till dinner. (Chinese cuisine 4TW.)

Winn started teaching Ness and I Cantonese, and I scared her because I apparently have a fantastic accent, and I'm a really quick study. I think I was just as happy as her because there's no better feeling than being told you're good at something you like.

And, uh, I'm sick. Blimey.
sinsyne: (Huni - suge na!)
Alrighty, so I had only four-something hours of sleep and because of finals, I couldn't see Cirque du Soleil's OVO performance yesterday.

Which, btw, was apparently stunning and took the tight-rope to a whole new level. Cirque made insects cool, if my sister's awe was any indication. And she got really cool souvenirs slash trinkets. Envyyyyyyyyyy~

Back to the matter at hand: severe sleep deprivation and inability to see awesomeness. I was pretty bummed about it but that no longer matters because SERIOUSLY GUYS, ALL MY EXAMS ARE DONE! I just need to complete this journal and QM assignment, and I'm cruising to the finish line. I got some more evaluation marks on my essays and orals, and getting 90s for half-hearted work (except for Mythology, I put my soul into that one) is great. I was pleasantly surprised with Macro, I expected lower, and Western Civ, I got the mark I expected and deserved, and even thought it's still high, I am never ever again leaving a research History paper to the last minute. Never. Someone please kick me if I do.

Enough of that, MY FINALS ARE OVER AND DONE WITH. Cripes my hand hurt though, essay answer tests kill. But yes, exams are done, tomorrow's my last day, I have a gorgeous song, a fantastic MV, and wonderful boys, my sister is putting in my YesAsia order, I'm going book shopping tomorrow, and I can finally return to working on my novel.

As far as I'm concerned, life is good. Well, besides that I need a job... whatever, still flying sky-high at the moment. :)

sinsyne: (Jaejoong - like you don't attract a crow)
Instead of sleeping through my alarm, I simply didn't set the darn thing last night.

I was so confused this morning because on Tuesdays 1) I usually don't feel well-rested, 2) I certainly don't wake on my own, and 3) it's not pleasantly light in my room. I think my brain briefly tried to convince me it was the weekend or something, but I groggily turned to the clock and promptly learned why I felt so damnably comfortable. xD

7:40. To attend any 8:00 class, I need to wake up at 5:30. Um, oops? Mercifully, it was English I missed; we're only doing orals and I presented last week. Just the same, I felt a little embarrassed. What kind of dork forgets to set her alarm clock? *facepalm*

On another note, I'm disappointed. During our next semester, Ness and I wanted to take Chinese lessons at Dawson as an aside. According to our many Asian friends, it's much easier to learn Cantonese, and then Mandarin. Unfortunately, Dawson offters only Mandarin, and the best place that offers Cantonese lessons is too far for me to travel. In which case, Ness will relay me her lessons and Winn, who's fluent in Cantonese, will get me started over the summer.

It'll have to do, but I was really hoping to take actual classes, and I'm not sure how easy it'll be to meet up with Winn during the summer considering we'll both be working. It's really frustrating because I truly adore Asian languages, and I'd like to start learning them formally. That, and this distance/travel problem again brings to light the whole issue of how much freer my life would be if I lived with my aunt.

I'm tired, my muscles ache, so I'm possibly being unnecessarily dramatic, but this is making me feel down.
sinsyne: (NNO - wake me up)
Written for [community profile] fiction_drabbles.
Title: Leave the Key
Challenge/Prompt: Symbol
Original Fiction or Fanfiction: Original Fiction
Characters: Cynthia, Jonathan
Rating: G
Warnings: None.
Disclaimer: All mine.
Summary: Her family hadn't been hateful, simply distant and devoid of love.
Author's Notes: Having written nothing but lengthy essays and epic hero stories for the past few weeks, 100 words was a bit of a shock.

“That’s the last one,” she muttered, depositing the heavy, cardboard box in the hallway.

With some degree of longing, she surveyed her room, barren, save for the furniture –bed, desk, bookshelves- of her childhood.

It was furniture she intended to leave behind, with everything personal already neatly packed in boxes and luggage bags. She wanted a bright future and happy memories, something this house could never provide. Her family hadn't been hateful, simply distant and devoid of love.

“Cyn! You ready?” Jonathan hollered from downstairs.

“Coming!”

Smiling wistfully, she exited the room, leaving her house key on the white dresser.

I'm free!

May. 6th, 2009 04:48 pm
sinsyne: (Default)
Okay, so not quite. But with six tests, three orals, a gigantic project, a fifteen-week dossier, four essays, and everything in between squished in 3-4 weeks, I like to consider my semester practically done.

Sure, I have two final exams next Monday and four Thursday *dies* but that's infinitely easier than the circus I just went through. Never thought the day would come, but I'm so happy I only have tests! Anyway, just an all around massive workload, hence the late breaking in of this journal.

Which brings me to the crux of this post: DW-LJ policy. Honestly, I don't know what my plan is. Although, I think I will foreseeably make the move here simply because it's so shiny and clean, and, you know, the administration CARES. Not sure if I'll LJ import, not sure if I'll cross-post, will miss the large community, but seriously, LJ = business nonsense lately.

This journal is currently public. I'm always happy to meet new people, so just drop a comment anywhere if you're friending. : )


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